We have decided to contract each of the mustachioed Congressmen and ask them to fill out a brief survey.  The questionaire will be fairly standard, but a few custom questions will (hopefully) be included. Below is an email sent to Vic Snyder, the Democrat Representative of the 2nd Congressional District of Arkansas requestiong that he fill out the survey.  Mr. Snyder is a former marine and a doctor by profession.
We don't truly expect to get any responses, and half expect to get added to some sort of FBI watch list, but if even one member of the US House of Representatives decides to respond, it will make all the time and effort worth while.
If you have a question that you've always wanted ignored by a member of congress, let us know and we'll add it to the survey.
Enjoy.

The E-Mail
Mr. Snyder,

I am writing on behalf of a handful of Americans interested in seeking out and celebrating mustachioed individuals such as you that make positive contributions to the Nation and the World.  For years, Pop Culture and the United States media have consistently portrayed the mustache as something dirty, trashy, or downright villanous.  An example of negative mustache portrayal by the media can be seen when Matt Jones, former NFL wide receiver, University of Arkansas Alumni, and Arkansas native was arrested for alleged cocaine possession.  Though never seen publicly as a professional or in college sporting a mustache, the Associated Press decided to run a picture of Mr. Jones wearing a mustache when the news of his arrest was released.  It is this type of harmful media attention that reinforces many negative stereotypes of Mustachioed Americans.  Thank you, sir, for being a man that other folks with mustaches can proudly look to as a role model and a positive influence. 
Mr. Snyder, I know that as a member of the US House of Representatives you are hard at work trying to find an acceptable end to the war in Iraq and to fix the crumbling National economy, but if you find a few minutes to spare to answer a few questions, it would mean a lot to your fans.

Thank you for your time.

The Survey
How long have you worn a mustache?

Why did you decide to grow a mustache?

Have you encountered any resistance to your facial hair of choice?

Do you think your mustache is more of a help or a hindrance in your attempts to reach public office?
Were you aware that there are currently zero US Senators that wear the mustache?
          How do you feel about that?
Were you aware that there are only 28 US Congressmen with mustaches?
          How do you feel about that?
Do you have any advice for aspiring mustache wearers?
Did you know that of 26 incumbent congressmen with mustaches 26 were re-elected in the most recent election?
          Are you surprised by the overwhelming statistical evidence that mustaches help win re-elections?
Who has the sweetest mustache in congress?
Who has the sweetest mustache in the world?
Would you support legislation that created a National Mustache Month to recognize the contributions of mustachioed Americans?
How do you think America can stop the current economic slide and come back stronger than ever?
How would you describe your mustache in three words or less?
Which current politician (American or World) do you think would most improve their life by growing a mustache?
How large of a campaign contribution would it take to convince you to shave your mustache?
The NRA has scored you an F on pro-gun rights policies.  Do you think they are harder on you because you are a former Marine?  Is the NRA score something that bothers you?

The Response
The day after sending this email and survey to the Honorable Vic Snyder, Democrat, 2nd Congressional District of Arkansas, we received the following form letter, which says, essentially, that since we do not live in Arkansas that we can go fuck ourselves.

Thank you for your e-mail to my office.  I appreciate having the benefit of your thoughts. 

This auto-response is to ensure that I have sufficient information to be able to respond to your concerns.  It is not a complete response to your letter.  If you are a resident of the Second District of Arkansas, please be sure that you included your address in your previous mailing.  If you did not, please forward it to snyder.congress@mail.house.gov <mailto:http://us.mc330.mail.yahoo.com/mc/compose?to=snyder.congress@mail.house.gov>.  This will enable me to respond to you more quickly and with a complete answer.  Regrettably, due to the large number of e-mails I receive, I am only able to reply to citizens of Arkansas.  If you are not from Arkansas, I encourage you to contact your representative in Congress by going to <http://www.house.gov/writerep>.

Please know that I appreciate your taking the time to write.  I hope that you will contact me if I can be of service to you in the future.


Sincerely,

Vic Snyder, Member of Congress